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 Untitled. (But read anyway)

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Kenzie*bby

Kenzie*bby

Posts : 37
Join date : 2008-06-05
Age : 24
Location : on the runway.

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PostSubject: Untitled. (But read anyway)   Untitled. (But read anyway) EmptySat Jun 07, 2008 11:44 am

Story i'm writing. Please comment. =]
-----------------------------

[center]Chapter 1

As Cathy Britchfield walked across the vast green landscape to her private jet the only thoughts coming to her head were. I wonder if I’ll meet any cute boys in Hawaii. Her thoughts were interrupted by a beeping coming from her oversized Gucci tote, she took out her iPhone and her well trained text-messaging-in-class eyes quickly read the message. It was from her BFF Serena Vale.
Hey, bet u can’t wait 2 get 2 Hawaii! Surf, sun & boys, boys, boys!!!!! ? R u now
-s
Cathy rolled her eyes and giggled before typing back.
I’m walking 2 the jet =D.I wonder what’s on ur mind….-eye roll- gol nywayz I’ll miss u chica! It’ll be boring w/o u! =-(
-C

Can’t deny dat…gol, G2G I have a facial and massage appointment waiting 4 me in the upstairs spa…bai cath!
-S

GOL was a term they had made up in 4th grade; it meant ‘Giggling Out Loud’. Cathy stored her precious phone safely away and looked ahead; she had reached her parents private jet; it was huge, silver and shiny. It was monogrammed with a BF for ‘Britchfield Family’ How lame could her parents get? A nice ‘Cathy’ on the side of the jet would look even better. “Hey Stace.” she said when she saw the stewardess that had been with her family for over 10 years.
“Hello Ms.Cathy. Iced tea? Water? Juice? Neck massage?” The red head smiled kindly at Cathy as if she was looking at a daughter. Cathy threw her long blonde hair over the back of her seat and shook her head.
“No thanks, but Brett looks like she could use a neck massage.” She loud whispered to Stacey so that Brett, her 13-year-old sister, could hear,”PMS.” Brett got up and stormed over to Cathy. Brett was kind of short, slender and pretty. Her long brown hair was up in a high ponytail and she was wearing skinny dark jeans with a shirt that said ‘Peace & Love’. Her gold Tori Burch flats made a loud TAP! When she walked.
“If you say that word one more time I swear-“
“Girls, girls take a seat and calm down.” William and Julian Britchfield entered the jet and sat at the front. Cathy was the splitting image of her mother; they both shared long blonde hair, a slender frame and piercing blue eyes. Brett, on the other hand looked more like her father. They had brown hair, green eyes and shortness. Their father owned ‘Britchfield Industries’ he made various investments and he had invented ‘Lean Cuisine’, his company made billions of dollars a month. Which was why his daughters were spoiled as spoiled can be.
Brett rolled her eyes and sat down two rows ahead of Cathy. Cathy took out her jewel embedded hot pink iPod and started listening to ‘No Air’. She sighed and let out all the bad energy in her. Hawaii….I hope I meet some cool people, of course Hawaii WILL know that I have arrived when I do. I will take Hawaii by storm….
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Sara<33
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Sara<33

Posts : 128
Join date : 2008-06-01
Age : 24
Location : On the couch with my new laptop!

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PostSubject: Re: Untitled. (But read anyway)   Untitled. (But read anyway) EmptySat Jun 07, 2008 12:10 pm

i love it Kennedy =D

moreee?? Like a Star @ heaven

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Pak Skellington

Pak Skellington

Posts : 28
Join date : 2008-06-05
Age : 108
Location : Milky Way, Here I Come.

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PostSubject: Re: Untitled. (But read anyway)   Untitled. (But read anyway) EmptySat Jun 07, 2008 2:16 pm

Not to be mean, but it needs some work. It has a lot of description, but it's actually too much of it. I can be your editor for free, but keep writing. Nothing bad happens when you keep on practicing!
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Kenzie*bby

Kenzie*bby

Posts : 37
Join date : 2008-06-05
Age : 24
Location : on the runway.

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PostSubject: Re: Untitled. (But read anyway)   Untitled. (But read anyway) EmptySun Jun 08, 2008 6:45 pm

Thanks for the criticism Pak.
I'll send you the next chapter.
=]
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